Sabrina about waiting
Barbara: Hi, everyone. Welcome to 40 Minutes of Faith. Today's topic is waiting, and our guest is Sabrina Stewart. We met in Germany where Sabrina was my Bible study teacher facilitator. She grew up going to church once in a while, accepted Jesus and was baptized around middle school. In her teenage years, she went to youth group regularly, but never grew in her walk.
She felt stuck. In her later teen years into the beginning of her marriage, Sabrina just coasted through faith. However, God never forgot her and led her to some great friends in Christ where she learned about having a relationship with God, instead of just showing up at church and the fire and brimstone idea that she grew up hearing. Since then, she has built her relationship and is growing in her walk with Christ.
Sabrina has a bachelor's degree in maternal child health lactation consulting. She was born in the South and grew up moving around as a kid and as a military spouse to nine different states and countries, including Canada and Germany; currently in Texas. Sabrina has been a military spouse for 19 years and has homeschooled for three children for the last six years.
One of Sabrina's dreams is to write a book because she loves to read. She has also tossed around the idea of standup comedy since her family gives her so much material and her kids think she's funny. Welcome Sabrina. How are things in Texas these days?
Sabrina: Hi, it's warm and overcast and rainy off and on.
Barbara: I think your definition of warm might be everybody else's definition of really, really hot question mark
Sabrina: I am inside. So the air conditioner takes care of me. Awesome.
Barbara: Good. I'm happy for you. We didn't have a lot of air conditioning in Germany. That would be practically none.
Sabrina: Right? Very rarely.
Barbara: So let's take a look at today's Bible reading, which is from another short book in the old Testament, sort of in the middle of the Bible, between the book of Daniel and the new Testament.
You can read with me out of the beginning of chapter one and a few verses of chapter two, or just listen. Here's Habakkuk chapter one verses one to four in the new international version.
The prophecy that Habakkuk the prophet received.
How long Lord must I call for help, but you do not listen?
or cry out to you violence, but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrongdoing? Destruction and violence are before me. There is strife and conflict abounds.
Therefore the law is paralyzed and justice never prevails. The wicked hem in the righteous so that justice is perverted.
Here's chapter two, verses one through four, from the message version.
What's God going to say to my questions? I'm braced for the worst. I'll climb to the lookout tower and scan the horizon.
I'll wait to see what God says, how he'll answer my complaint, and then God answered.
Write this, write what you see, write it out in big block letters so that it can be read on the run. This vision message is a witness pointing to what's coming. It aches for the coming. It can hardly wait, and it doesn't lie.
If it seems slow in coming, wait, it's on its way. It will come right on time. Look at that man, bloated by self-importance full of himself, but soul empty, but the person in right standing before God through loyal and steady believing is fully alive, really alive.
Sabrina, I'm grateful that confusion and even anger at God's perceived abandonment are voiced in the Bible. As a social worker, I've been trained that all emotions are okay, but it's how we act on them that might be wrong or harmful. We are instructed to wait in this passage, which is usually a challenge for me. I feel badly saying to people in tremendous distress that someday things will be better. Ultimately, we have salvation, but on earth, there's no guarantee of a timeline for struggles to dissipate
Sabrina, how do you do with waiting in general? How about waiting on God's answer?
Sabrina: It's very difficult. I like to have the answer right away and be able to do stuff so waiting is very, very difficult for me. Yup.
Barbara: Me too. So as we're talking about waiting, I can imagine some different situations. Sabrina, what types of situations do we cry out to God in?
Sabrina: the first ones that come up are the distressing ones, the things that upset us, that we don't want to do, but we know we have to do those are the ones that I think about more often. I don't really think about crying out during the waiting until it reaches that point where it's just overwhelming and I need to want to do something.
And I fight for leaving God in control and not taking it from him just so I can do something
Barbara: exactly. When do peoples of the world crowd in distress that might not apply to us right now?
Sabrina: there's a lot of crying out in distress right now with everything that's going on. It seems more obvious of an answer because of the things that are happening with COVID and the way daily life is interrupted with it. And then the political atmosphere and
Things that are going on in society. There's just a lot of disruption and upset right now.
Barbara: I'm so grateful that I don't need to cry out to God because I'm hungry that there's a shortage of food. I've never been afraid of being imprisoned for either religious reasons or racial profiling.
Sabrina: I have been very thankful and grateful that I haven't had to deal with many of those situations; reading in the Bible about imprisonment and all these things that people have experienced because of their faith and had to endure.
I find astonishing because I start to doubt how I would do, and then it makes me really nervous about, well, what does that say about me? But that's kind of my goal is building that faith to where I don't have to have that little thought of I wouldn't be able to do that, but refocusing and knowing that I have the faith and the strength in God and Jesus that they will take care of me no matter what that everything will be Okay. Even if it's horrible to me, experience wise that it's not all for nothing and it's completely worth it.
Barbara: That's exactly what we're talking about today. Do you think that we sometimes feel despair, but we're not sure if God can help us?
Sabrina: I do. I think it's really easy to feel that way. I am reading this book on prayer and they were talking about how the enlightenment era and some of the other things in history has changed our focus from God and faith based to society and reliance on that. And I just found it interesting because I feel like that that's where my natural thought process goes to is more of a societal type thing instead of automatically grounding and what the Bible says and my faith. So I think that we automatically feel that way because God doesn't work in the way that we do.
He doesn't think in the way that we do. So we automatically think nothing's being done. God isn't hearing us, God forgot about us. Or he doesn't have time for us when he just does things differently. And we can't see the whole picture. Like he can. So I feel like we do that way more often than we should as believers.
Barbara: Yeah. And it seems to me like a message that I have perceived is in American culture is like, try to figure it out for yourself. So there's society stuff. Like you said, like what kind of systems can I access that will help me in this case, but also what can I figure out by myself, which is not always the healthiest way to go about things.
Sabrina: we need community; in being a military wife in reading and building my faith that God wants us to have community. I feel that like I function better. I grow more in a community, having those people around me to support me, but then also support others and walk alongside them. So then doing it by myself seems more disappointing and upsetting. So those who don't take care of themselves and do it for themselves are looked at as either weak or lazy because they're relying on other people and- granted, that there probably are those in those situation were built for community were function better, and God doesn't want us to be alone. And so I was just really interesting to see that and then start yearning for that.
And then now trying to find a way to get a community feeling in the situation that we're in now.
Barbara: It makes it a lot harder. I noticed that in some other cultures in the world, I don't certainly know all cultures, but I've observed that historically and even to this day, there are some cultures that are way more community oriented.
I am used to the American way: you finish your education and you move out of the house and you get a job and you get your own apartment and you do your own thing, but that's not the only way that things are done in the world. And certainly not through history either. So I appreciate what you're saying about that.
We do need community as much as we might want to be independent.
Sabrina: through getting my degree and the lactation and breastfeeding aspect of it, because a lot of people now when they have babies in America, mainly just because that's what I'm familiar with, this is where I'm from. They're just, Oh, you have a baby.
Let me see the baby. And then they kind of leave you alone. Whereas like you said, in other parts of the world, everybody pulls together and helps. Like there's the support and somebody there taking care of the mom while she's healing and learning the baby and just having that time.
I know from my own experience when I've had to do it by myself and whenever I've had other people be able to come in and step in and just be there, not even do all the work, lives are better whenever you do that because you're not alone struggling. Moving around and the military, I go back and forth with seclusion.
I feel isolated and alone. I don't have anybody. I've got to figure it out for myself. And then I go through trying to build that community. In the area that I'm in and whenever I'm able to connect with people and have people there for me that I can be there for two, it feels so much better. And so with experience, it has shown me that it does work a lot better and it's not lazy or weak or dependent.
It's, it's a good way to live and grow.
Barbara: It's easier for me to feel despair when I'm alone and isolated. And it's harder for me to feel despair when I'm with other people and knowing that right now, some people are still depending on what state you live in needing to do more social isolation and physical isolation.
But I feel great even being in the zoom meeting now, there is such thing as too many online hours in the day, but it's nice to keep in touch even over the phone or something like that.
Sabrina: I was worried about that actually in the situation that I'm in. A lot of people were worried about how I would take it because they know I'm a social person and we just moved from Germany and this, and then they're like, how are you doing with the virus and everything?
I don't really have any friends here. I got here, but I haven't been able to get out. So some days it hits me and it feels, it feels kind of. Bummer. I wish I could go out or I wish I had somebody I could just call. But the funny thing is, is I was in Germany, totally different country, telephone communication with internet and things like that makes it easier, but there's still the time difference.
And you can't directly call and talk on the phone with people back in the States without. It costing some money. So being here, I was able to use the time to go back and reach out to all these people, all my friends here that I couldn't easily just send a text to, or, or a message. And, and I feel like that helped a lot because I was still trying to reach out and I'm connecting to my extended community.
I don't have my direct one right here, local, but I have all of my other ones and I feel like it makes a difference because I feel like I'm having a connection, but then I've had several people tell me that they were surprised and very happy to receive either a letter or a text or a phone call or whatever, because I have the time now to do that when it could just easily fall away.
God was able to let me still work on a community, even though it wasn't the way I wanted it.
Barbara: Exactly. And that's part of the conversation too- we might think we know what it is that we need or how we want things. And sometimes it's a different answer. do you have the title and the author of that book about prayer?
Sabrina: It's “A Praying Life” by Paul E. Miller. It's connecting with God in a distracting world.
Barbara: We might have fewer distractions now, but things still can weigh heavily on our heart.
I feel a lot of sorrow and anger in the world and that's okay. A lot of that is totally legitimate. And I'm, I'm wondering Sabrina, how can we feel hope seeping in during stressful times, has there been an example in your life or when there's hope somehow at the end of the tunnel?
Sabrina: well, when we heard we were moving back to the States. When we were in Germany, I really did not want to leave. I really fought and dug my heels in. And, you know, I was in that place where everybody's like, it'll be okay, God's got a plan for you. And I'm like, I know, but I don't want to hear it. Like I do not want to, I know this, but I am not happy at all.
So I struggled with that a lot. I had my process, I ignored it because it really upset me thinking about it. And even though in this whole time, I asked people to pray for me. I was praying, I know I need to accept this, but I don't want to, like, I was really throwing a tantrum. Like my kids would. And.
It stayed that way for a while. Even when we got here, I was still trying to be open minded and my whole thing was okay, God, you're going to make me go. I have to go. I'll try. Even though I was like in the back of my mind, I'm like, it's going to be horrible. I know it. because I know everything.
Not really, but we got here and it was better than I was expecting, which of course. I also saw that we left Europe. Like I loved being there. I loved traveling, but nobody got to travel. Nobody's really traveling now because of what happened. So it was like, I would probably have been really upset, stuck in my house in Europe, still not being able to travel if I was there.
Now I'm just stuck in my house in the States where I really didn't want to come to anyway, but. He's used this time to really helped me concentrate on, I know he's going to take care of it, of everything, and it's all going to be okay. As much of a fight that I put up being here, I've been able to connect. I started reading the book about prayer because I feel like that's a really weak place for me. And it's just really helped make connections and apply to a lot of things that have happened or is happening right now when it's enforcing that. Even though it feels like despair and distress and everything is going wrong, or I'm really unhappy that it's going to be okay.
God is going to pull through, he's got all of these examples. And the way that we reinforce that and know is by connecting with him daily, by being in prayer with him. Then that's when we get to really feel it and see it because when we're not, and we're disconnected the despair and the hopelessness just, just crowds in and takes over everything because our focus isn't where it needs to be.
And that's something I've recently learned is how to concentrate on where I'm putting my thoughts and my focuses on. It's still hard. It's really difficult. Especially when my natural tendency is to on some days wallow and the depths of despair and feel really whiny.
Barbara: I'm so glad you gave an example of some ways that becoming more connected with God were helpful for you. You mentioned time of prayer and this particular book that you read, and I'm wondering if anybody on earth has acted or spoken to you with a message of hope and reassurance.
Sabrina: I have a couple of friends that they've known me for 20 years and I can reach out to them and just be honest and just say, I'm struggling really hard. And they always have scripture. They're there with prayer and they let me whine whenever I need to, without making me feel bad for feeling bad. They understand that I do need that little bit of time that I need to just kind of like complain and whine and get it out of my system. And then they're able to let me kind of make that full circle, like everything's going to be okay. And they're like, yes. And I'm here for you and praying for you and things like that. So I'm really blessed because I know that I could just reach out and receive that reassurance and that support there.
But then I've also had it come as a surprise. Like just as people I'm not really close with, or I kind of know a little bit, but not even that much. And they've reached out saying here, I thought of you and some are not Christians and some are, so they have various ways of when they reach out.
But I see that God laid on their heart, that she needs this, send her a hello or send her this. I could see God working through other people for me to reach me, not just directly because I'm praying or asking for it. And that he brings in that community, that community of people to say, look, I'm here.
I see you. He just makes sure that he reaches me many different ways.
Barbara: Those are amazing examples because on the one hand, it's great to reach out and say, Hey, I'm really struggling here. Can you pray for me? People tend to give words of encouragement when we do reach out.
And sometimes it's either hard to reach out or we're so overwhelmed or we don't even know who to reach out to. So that's really neat that people just came to you and said, I want to offer you either this prayer or this physical item or this type of support or encouragement.
Are there any ways that we can be the hands of God to assist our siblings on earth and their distress?
Sabrina: I've been trying to be more sensitive of whenever I feel that little nudge of you should text this person or I come across something and I think of somebody and I'm going to send a little note. Lately, since I really tried to be connected and listen to those nudges from God, it's come back.
I have a friend who sometimes I reach out for prayer or support. And then sometimes I just text just say, Hey, was thinking of you, miss hanging out.
But she is really good at how are you? And, most people are like, Oh fine. And she's like, no, no. How are you really? And so sometimes it's like, I'm fine. nothing else is going on. I'm really okay. And other times it's like, Oh, Okay. So listen, like she knows that I'm not just going to ask you how are things and leave, she wants to know, how are you really doing?
Emotionally, how are you doing mentally, physically? How are you doing spiritually? I want to be there for you. And it is just been so great to have somebody take the time to push enough.
Barbara: how do we stand and watch for God that was in the Bible verse? How do we listen and wait actively for God?
Sabrina: I still struggle with this I don't want to just believe whatever- that's one of my biggest fears worries. However you want to say it is in the Bible.
When it talks about, you know, coming on the end of times, there'll be somebody who says they're God and they're not- I don't want to be so naive that I just believe the wrong person just because, and so I constantly pray for that help to know when is it God.
I feel bad because then I feel like questioning God, like Gideon whenever he's like, okay. Do this this morning. And then I know it's you, and then he gets it. And then the next day he's like, well do this.
And then I know it's you. I kind of feel bad because I don't really want to question you, but I want to make sure I know it's from you. So it is really hard. I feel like a lot for me recently have been the quiet, small things. It's not a B two over the head obvious thing. It's a, it's a small thing.
So I've started having to slow down and have the opportunity for those to be noticed. It goes right along with the Bible. And it's a still small quiet voice. It's harder to hear with everything being so distracting. I feel like he works that way a lot more than we think.
And it's really difficult for us culturally and society to slow down and be still and quiet in order to hear or see that, that that's how he's answering.
Barbara: I love the Bible study about the book of Gideon, which was written by Priscilla Shire. On the one hand I thought, well, Gideon had a lot of nerve testing God, but the answers came back really clearly in an amazing way, but then there are other passages in the Bible that tell us we shouldn't be testing God.
To say, God, if you really care about me, then you will do it this way. That's more manipulation. That's not kind of prayer, but we are then also told that it's okay to pray for what we want. But then we're back to the question about waiting, that it's okay to pray for what you want, but the answer's not always going to be Yes. And it's not always going to be fast. I don't mean to be talking out of both sides of my mouth, but just to say there's kind of different perspectives.
Sabrina: I totally feel that same way because I do that. That book talks about, asking like a child and that you're not necessarily going to get it the way that you want.
Having kids has really helped me understand a lot of perspectives on probably how God views us- it's so funny because it turns around and bites me because I'll tell my kids, you know this, why are you doing this? And then I'll catch myself.
I know God is saying, you know, this, why are you doing this?
Barbara: that's a great analogy. we have the law, like you're talking about with kids, we have the 10 commandments, we know what we're supposed to do, and we can never fulfill all of those to perfection.
So then we have the gospel and to know that salvation is our free gift. And when you had told me a little bit about your growing up years, you mentioned the phrase fire and brimstone. So, yes, there is the law. But that's not all, then there's also the gospel and salvation. So that makes a difference to our behavior that we're like, I want to help my neighbor out of love.
Sabrina: I grew up terrified because the fire and brimstone, it was, if you don't save people, you're not doing what you should be. You're not really a Christian or all these technicality things.
I was sitting there terrified because I'm like, how am I supposed to save people when I don't even know what I'm talking about? it just felt really wrong. I didn't understand. And it didn't seem like anybody wanted to make sure you understood why it was just do, or the consequences are going to be horrible.
That's what really led me away. And then whenever I reconnected and was shown through my friends, with the relationship aspect, I was like, Oh, I can do this and just seeing how they lived out their faith and belief. And it just clicked like, yes, it's important to reach out and, be an example.
Everyone wants to be able to say that they help save somebody, led them to Christ because it's amazing and you should know, but it's not the anvil hanging over you, you have to do this sort of thing.
Barbara: there's no score sheet at the end of the day or at the end of our lives.
Like, you saved this many people. And I definitely agree to share about God's love. For example, you were a Bible study facilitator and not everybody's going to be a Bible study facilitator, but that's okay. Some folks invited a friend to come with them and sometimes it's planting seeds - it's a process. It's a journey.
Sabrina: I would never have thought of facilitating a Bible study- like that I have to have all my stuff together.
But that's really not it. And it's so funny because there was another study I went through and it put it in perspective of admitting you're wrong.
A lot of people don't like to do that and they feel like it makes them weak or the person, think badly of them when in reality, if we can kind of swallow that and admit it, I feel like people are more willing to connect with you to trust you. And it doesn't have the weak connotation that we think it does.
Barbara: No, that's another societal thing, because it's like, I'm strong. I'm right. I've got this figured out, but that's the difference between repentance and just an apology, which apologizing is great. But repenting means you turn in a different direction. You can say, I did mess up and I don't want to mess up anymore.
And sometimes we still keep messing up, but we're trying really hard at least. Most of the time.
Sabrina: the people who were still struggling just like me, who don't have any answers either, they made more of an impact. Then the other people who I think that they need to have it all together in order to be a Christian and to be doing it correctly.
And then of course, there's all the stories in the Bible where nobody has their stuff together, they messed up, but this good happened and God's still used them. I start thinking about that, like, Oh, I don't have to know everything. Just like I admitted earlier about my praying.
I’m terrified of doing it, in group settings. I do not feel confident in that. I'm trying to work on that for myself. That would be something before all of this that I would have been like, I can't facilitate or do anything because I don't do this well. Or I don't think I do this well.
and then I just learned, I'm going to do this, but then whenever it came down to it, it was totally God led. And that's the only reason it did. Well people are like, Oh, that was so great. I was like, I had no idea- that was completely God, because I couldn't have done that at all.
Barbara: Your words of encouragement to somebody who might not feel really confident. I've facilitated Bible studies before, so I don't have any problem talking to you about the Bible, but this whole podcast business, the technology scared me so much. Cause I'm not confident at all. And there's still stuff I have to do that I'm like, please, God, help me figure this out, cause I have no idea. Thank you for the encouragement that we don't have to have our act together to move forward. Cause then nobody would ever move forward with anything.
Sabrina: Right. Exactly.
Barbara: I mean, maybe you have a college degree in a certain thing, so you're confident in that subject matter, but when it comes to matters of the heart, I don't believe that anybody on earth is perfect, even if it looks like it.
Are we striving for perfection that looks like it on earth or just for a closer relationship with God? And that's my last question for you, Sabrina. You had already mentioned a little bit about it before, but I was wondering how do we listen for God's voice? And you said it's not easy. And you talked about being still and that's something that might not come, as quickly for some folks.
Sabrina: it does not come quickly for me either. I have to say I like doing things. I like being, involved in interacting and talking and animated. So it is so hard for me to just sit so I can sit still and read, but I'm doing something, you know, my mind is active. My mind is engaged.
I did have to find out one of the ways to be still for me is I have taken to writing it out.
Barbara: There's still some activity with the prayer is, but it's focused.
Sabrina: I'm not trying to pray and then do something else and then completely forget where I'm at. I found that that helps a lot. and it does two things. It keeps me focused and it keeps me engaged. while I'm maybe thinking on what I just wrote and prayed, It gives me that little bit of quiet, or while I'm thinking of, who to pray for next or, or what I want to pray for next or what I want to talk to God about next.
I have that little bit of quiet, so. It does give me a little bit of still, but I'm still focused, but then it also records it. So when God does answer my prayer, I can see, look, I prayed for this sin and this is the follow through from God that I can see, because just saying it, I can easily forget about it, or I feel like it's hard to make that connection of well, did he answer it?
Barbara: And it could be months, sometimes it's years. Sometimes it just feels like an eternity. So for people who like to write, that's a great way, write it down and keep your prayer journals, and then you can go back and see how those prayers were answered over time. And it's okay to, if writing is not your thing, if you're doing chores around the house.
Sabrina: They color sometimes. Like they'll write like a one word that kind of sums up the focus or topic of their prayer, and then they just color and design it. while they're just spending that quiet time, communing with God, just, focused on that.
And there's so many different ways that I didn't know about. Like instead I just felt like there's this one way that I had to do it correctly and I'm learning all this stuff and I'm trying to see what works for me because I want that connection. And I want to know that I'm hearing from God and I'm taking that time out, but it doesn't work the same for everyone.
Barbara: Exactly. thank you so much for your time today, Sabrina,
Sabrina: we touched on some really good things.
Resources:
Book “A Praying Life” by Paul E. Miller
Bible Study “Gideon” by Priscilla Shirer
Sabrina loves to read! Fiction, Non-Fiction, Bible Studies, etc!